Well it's been over 3 years since my last Blog & to say I've missed this outlet would be an understatement.  I started the blog as a way to let family and friends keep up with the kids as they grew. But it became my lifeline for things such as recipes, photography, frustrations and all things Mom related.

 As the kids have grown life has gotten much more interesting for Team D. We have become very good at managing chaosis while still making sure the kids are fed each night.   The kids are older which means Activities/Sports have entered our life and things have gotten real Fun......no really. We are now emersed in things like Volleyball, Karate, Hockey, Piano lessons, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts just to name a few.

I rely on a calander to keep our life managed. Writing out the months sports schedules with games, practices, birthday party invites, piano lessons, doctor/dentist appointments. And if that's not enough I also duplicate the paper calendar into my phone calender. Trust me I need it in Both places!!

With the kids now aged 10, 9 and 7 ( turning 8 in 4 days) we have begun facing challenges that are far different than she stole my cup or she hit me. Fighting still occurs almost daily but the new challenges coming our way are friendship issues, puberty, academic struggles and daily reminders to our precious team members that they are  not the center of attention like they think they deserve to be.

Motherhood has risen to a whole new level becoming harder and more emotionally draining for me. It has caused me to go to my knee's more than ever and it has caused me to really look internally at myself.  I cannot count the times I have gone to bed and cried into my husband's shoulders over conversations, arguments and parenting decisions.  It is gut wrenching!

However, each day is a NEW day and for that I am eternally Grateful! I just keep truckin on managing our Team and drinking wine - lots of wine.

Galations 5:22-24

This is just going to be a rambling post I am sure. But I just need to pour out my heart somewhere. I tried with a friend & my hubby yesterday but I am still needing something.

On Saturday I felt like I was the worst mother. Ellia is having some issues with fits, whining, and down right defiance. And I am at my wits end with it. And sadly I haven't been the best mom during these fits. I am very quick to get frustrated & yes, sometimes yell at her. Which of course, shocking, makes them worse! I also, really was feeling like I am easier on Addie & harder on Ellia. I have more grace with Addie than Ellia and sometimes over the exact same thing.

As I finished reading the book Last Song by Nicholas Sparks (great book!) there was a scripture that one of the characters mediated on. I immediately knew it was the scripture on the Fruits of the Spirit. So, that afternoon I picked up my Bible, sadly the first time in awhile, turned to that scripture and began reading it. I began to pray & to cry. Because I haven't been displaying those fruits to others, especially my daughter.

Lets back up & break apart the scripture:

In verse 19 it stated

"Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are:

adultery, fornication,uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry,

sorcery, hatred, contentions,

jealousness, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions,

dissensions, heresies, envy, murders,

drunkenness, revelries and the like:

of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in the past

that those who practice such things will not inherit the

kingdom of God"

Yikes, the ones that stood out to me the most were Outbursts of Wrath and dissensions. I decided right there & then to really try to re-memorize the verses 22-23 again.

vs 22-24 says:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is

Love, Joy, Peace, Long suffering, Kindness,

Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control.

Against such there is no law. And those who are

Christ's have crucified the flesh with it's passions and desires"

And in order to combat those areas of weakness I see in myself I must begin trying to display more Kindness, Long suffering (Patience), Gentleness and Self-control. And once again crucify the flesh that has reared its ugly head.

So as soon as I decided to really start putting this verse into practice, meditating on it & trying to change my ways I was confronted with an issue with a friend. The very next day!!! And of course I didn't recognize it as a Test. Today I am seeing it more clearly as a Test & am just trying to figure out how to proceed.

Test or no Test I am still hurt by the situation. I still feel like my friend has to admit to her share of the problem, should try to talk to me and mend things. And my I feel like my other friend & my hubby are taking her side. They both told me to give her grace, and I want too. But I feel like they are making excuses for her and trying to poo-poo it away. What happened to being an adult & accepting our responsibilities in things?

I am really, really trying to find the Grace, Kindness & Gentleness that I know the Lord wants me to show her. But it's HARD!!!

Ohhh my heavy heart

For days now all I have been able to do is watch the news channels about Haiti. I have wanted to write a blog but each time I sat down to type I would just cry. My heart is so heavy for those people, that country and the relief workers. Maybe it's because I'm a mom and if I had lost all 5 of my children in an instant I too would be wailing in the streets. Or maybe it's because I'm human and this natural disaster touches a cord in each of us that only the Lord can do.

Why? Was of course my first question. But really there isn't an answer to this question. What I do know is this, it's not because that country was inherently evil as one very popular Religious speaker recently said.

During my many hours of TV viewing & web surfing I stumbled upon some staggering statistics about Haiti that just boggle my mind.

- population is almost 10 million
- 200,000 families are in need of shelter
- 80-90% of all buildings were destroyed during the quake, due to their concrete construction and the fact that there are no construction standards set up
- 80% of the population is Roman Catholic and 16% Protestant
- It is estimated that roughly half the population practice voodoo on a regular basis
- Most Haitians live on just $2.00 a day, which means 80% of the population lives below the poverty line.
- Haiti has no military forces IE...ARMY, NAVY etc. They do have a small Coast Guard
- They do have roughly 10,000 police officers, whom have also lost families and homes And now must try to keep peace when many criminals are now roaming the streets again.
- Before the earthquake there were an estimated 400,000 orphans living in Haiti - who knows what that number will rise to now
- 38% of the population is comprised of children under the age of 14

These stats are overwhelming to me. Some of them, especially when it comes to the children are almost too much to even type. When I watched a story about these orphans the other night I just cried & cried. Bill held me and we prayed for those little ones.

Some of us will never face a disaster like that and for that I am thankful. But that doesn't mean we are exempt from it. These people, this country, the aid workers/volunteers need our prayers more than ever.

Please join with me in praying for this country & if possible making a donation to Red Cross, World Concern, Compassion International or any other relief network of your choice.

Pray for:

The people left homeless & without food
That food & shelter supplies arrive swiftly & are handed out smoothly
The orphans who are left to fend for themselves
That the volunteers/relief workers would have strength and not become weary
That disease & sickness do not spread as the conditions there worsen
Civil UN-rest does not rise up & take over
Most importantly that these people come to know the one and true God who loves them. When disasters come it is often when people come to know the Lord, their hearts are open, please pray the Haitian peoples hearts would be open to the gospel.

2010 Goals, dreams & desires

Before I jump right in with my goals for 2010 I want to take a few moments to remember what I am thankful for this past year.

1. I am thankful for my wonderful husband. He is my biggest cheerleader (minus the outfit), my Best Friend, confidant and constant reminder of what it means to have Grace. If any man knows about Grace it's him. He is the first to give Grace out to those who most times do not need or deserve it. I honestly think he carries a Master Grace Giver card in his wallet next to his license and Costco card. I am also so thankful for all the sacrifices he makes for our family including enabling me to stay home with our children.

2. I am thankful for our two little girls. Ellia and Addie you make me smile, laugh and sometimes cry every day. But it is pure joy. And I am so thankful that I get to be home with them each and every day to watch them grow up. Especially for the times like this morning when Ellia stood on top of the potty chair and sang "Jesus and Santa are coming to town" (didn't you know they both come to town this time of year?) and then took a bow saying "Thank You"

3. For our newest family member joining us in the Spring 2010 - our Son!

4. For our families. They are so wonderful and supportive. Always there for us when we call and even when we don't. Their unconditional love & support are truly a blessing in our lives.

5. I am so Thankful for the Lord. How he is there even when I feel like no one else is. Thankful that he was born & rose again so that I can write these goals.

Goals or Desires for 2010

See I always set these lofty goals and hardly ever meet them. So maybe if I call them desires then that will help me to obtain them.

1. Finish Addie's 1st year scrapbook and start one for our son. And start our family album

2. Become a more loving wife. One who is slower to react (Bill would be happy with just this one), who listens better and with baby#3 coming we need more one-on-one time together. I want to help make this possible. Even if it's just going to coffee together for an hour. I want to be the nurturer of our relationship and to show Bill how much he really means to me. I know he knows this but I want to show him more with actions & not just words.

3. Be a better mother. Although I am home with the girls every day sometimes I am just here existing. Not really with them. Sometimes things like the computer take precious time from them. And with baby#3 coming I really want to cherish more time with them. I want to visit the library, Zoo, Fire Department, etc...really spend quality time with them. And I want to start spending one on one time with each child alone. To encourage that mother/daughter/son relationship.

4. Be a better Daughter, Sister, DIL, SIL and friend. I am so bad at these and sometimes all at the same time. Life gets so busy and I am sad to say I get caught up in myself and our family that I neglect those closest to me. I sometimes say the wrong things & am not always nice about it. I want to try to be better. Try to see people more with the Lord's eyes.

5. Spend more time with the Lord. I have neglected him a lot this year. And I need/want to really establish a prayer time with him each and every day. I want to get to know Him and his word better this year.

There you have it my goals/desires for 2010. What are yours?

We still believe in Santa.

Why is that someone always thinks they know what is the best way to raise your children? And why do they think (even though they might not say it) that you are bad parents if you don't believe as they do?

Yes, my blogging friends I am talking about when people question your belief in Santa Clause, The tooth fairy, Disney movies etc.

Recently it seems these topics have come up as conversation at birthday parties, FaceBook, and McDonalds.

Bill and I think that the choices we have made to let our girls have a little bit of fun in childhood are just fine. They aren't going to get traumatized because they believed in Santa or the tooth fairy. We both grew up believing in these make believe characters and we turned out just fine. We both still love the Lord & are also teaching our girls to love the Lord.

But after these discussions I always walk away feeling like we are bad parents or some how made the wrong choice. Especially when I hear "you guys are teaching them to believe in Santa?" With shock & horror they ask.

Why yes we are and if you don't like it, well then tough. And BTW please do not let your child tell my child Santa isn't real.

A Baby Changes Everything

During this holiday season I have been hearing the song "A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill on the radio. The lyrics touched me the first time I heard them. And still each time I hear it I get goosebumps.

How true it is, a baby changes everything. Your life is turned upside down and all around. But in the end it is A-OK once you hold that sweet little one in your arms for the first time.

When they placed Ellia in my arms for the first time I cried but I also felt this warmth flow from the tip of my head all the way down to my feet. It was the weirdest thing!! But I know now that it was love taking over. A love for another being that I had never felt before & in that instant I knew how the Lord felt about His son. And later when I would tell Bill about this feeling I realized how hard it must have been for the Lord to give his only son to die for you and me. Because I know I couldn't do it, sacrifice my sweet babies for you. Sorry!

It's so true.........A Baby Changes Everything!

Here are the lyrics to this song. I hope you treasure them as much as I do especially during this season.

Teenage girl, much to young

Unprepared for whats to come

A baby changes everything (repeat 2x)

Not a ring

on her hand

All her dreams and all her plans

A baby changes everything (repeat 2x)

The man she loves she's never touched

How will she keep his trust

A baby changes everything (repeat 2x)

And she cries, oh she cries

She has to leave, go far away

Heaven knows she can't stay

A baby changes everything

She can feel it's coming soon

There's no place, there's no room

A baby changes everything (repeat 2x)

And she cries, she cries, oh she cries

Shepherds on their own

They got there
Star shines down

Choir of Angels say

Glory to the newborn King

A baby changes everything (repeat 2x)

Everything, everything, everyday

Hallelujah (repeat 4x)

My whole life was turned around

I was lost and now I'm found

A baby changes everything (repeat 2x)

God know's when to use a child

On Saturday we had family pictures taken. Our MOPS group hired a photographer to come in and take photos for $35. Of which $25 goes back to our MOPS group & you get to keep a CD with the pictures on it.

So in anticipation of pictures I bought the girls matching shirts & coordinated our clothes to match them. It was all going perfectly in my mind for our annual Christmas card photo. That is until we got there......

Ellia immediately decided she did not want to participate in family photos. She ran around the room, tried to play with the lights, took off her shoes, wanted to see the camera and just generally was a bit out of control. Addie was great for the first little bit but then she too decided this picture idea wasn't fun any longer either.

Sadly, I commented that our girls were acting like "Brats" to which the photographer told me not to worry, that all kids act like this at this age when it comes time for pictures.

As we walked out to the car Ellia said to me " Mama I love you" and as I buckled her into her car seat I told her I loved her too but "Mama is mad at you right now for your behavior"

To which she immediately replied "No, Mama YaYa (this is what she calls herself) mad at you"

Bill immediately started laughing, Addie followed suit b/c she laughs at anyone who laughs and Ellia then started laughing. As I climbed into the car Bill said to me "Laugh honey, you need to lighten up it was just a picture."

In that moment I needed to laugh because staying frustrated & mad wasn't going to help me or our family. And God used my two year old to give me a kick in the pants.

p.s. I heard from friends that some of their children acted up too that day, at least we weren't the only ones whose kids didn't cooperate.