Status updates aren't all fun and games

Being a parent is hard work. And being home all day long with your kids is even harder!
Can I  get an Amen?  And my Facebook status sometimes make other mom's feel inferior to me. But I want you to know that I suck. I failed this week in the mom department big time.
We are taking a great parenting class right now in which we are learning a lot, a lot of what we are doing wrong. The hardest part of our class is the re-teaching ourselves and our children how things should be done.

I am learning that although I love my children God loves them even more. He has given them to us for a short time and in that time it's our job to raise them according to his word and not hurt them while doing so.

We are trying to back up our parenting with scripture so that our children get the practical reasons behind our method. Children by nature have a "why" mentality and giving them the biblical reasoning behind things allows them to process behavior & application at the same time.

Example -
Sharing with others or in general showing kindness to others = "Be courteous to all men" - Titus 3:2
Being patient and kind to others = "Love is patient, love is kind" - 1Cor 13:1

This week has been hard for me when it comes to parenting. I can give you a long list as to why this week has been exceptionally hard. But lets just say we have had VBS all week mixed with my crazy Tri training and together you have very tired children and 1 tired/cranky Mama (who may or may not be staying up too late to watch the Olympics each night )

Excuses aside the past week the challenges with our oldest have pushed me over the top! Starting with her behavior over the weekend with her Grandparents. Someone may have been kicked and it was not Grandma doing the kicking. And the rest of the week spiraled down hill from there.

I love this child dearly and being our 1st born she holds that special place in my heart that 1st Born's do. However,  she challenges me more most days than the other 2 combined. And she is going through this independent stage that is both a blessing and a curse. To give you another idea of our week, this said child may or may not have spent 1.75hrs in the bathroom crying - no - sobbing because she was getting a consequence. I am talking sobbing, red faced, sweaty mess all because she disobeyed and did not want a consequence.

And this Mama did NOT fall into her said power struggle trap. I did NOT get frustrated, I did NOT yell, I did NOT slam the bathroom door and I did NOT tell her she could sleep in there for all I cared. Nope - this Mama did NOT act like her almost 5year old at all. Cool as a cucumber - that was me. Yeah Right!!!

I write this all to tell you that I am human. I make mistakes, parenting is hard & I am not always a "great" mom. I fail miserably more than I'd like to admit. During these times of failure my Facebook status should read something like "Crazy/Tired mom at the wheel", "I suck" or "Yelling, what yelling?"  I am working on things and things are getting better but things aren't always peaches and cream here in the Team D ballpark. And just so we are all clear the next time you see one of my  happy & fun filled status updates just remember that WW III was or did transpire in our ballpark (home) that day/week.

6 Years and counting

Tomorrow is our 6year wedding anniversary. And last week marked 7years together.
I cannot believe how fast it has gone but six years has taught us many things here are a few:

• Having kids so close in age together is hard work
• And yes - we would do it all over again - having them so close together
• 2 stubborn people make for very interesting arguments/disagreements
• Supporting each other through all of life's ups and downs is what it's all about
• In law issues are not fun things to figure out nor easy to discuss without someones feelings getting hurt
• Weight gain creeps up and is even harder to shed - but we are shedding, woohoo!
• Compromise & Grace go hand in hand
• Cliche as it sounds - not going to bed angry has saved us from many bad mornings
• God, Spouse, Children, Job is the way it should be and switching that order in anyway can sure mess things up
• Finding the one person you can laugh and cry with makes all the difference
• Those irritating little habits (IE scrunched up socks, leaving things lying around) are still irritating habits 6yrs later
• Once a blanket hog, always a blanket hog (this is me, not Bill)
• House projects are not fun to do together
• Honey-to-do lists are just that - Honey-to-do lists
• Life is busy
• Date nights are very important!

Who knew that 7years ago responding to that Match.com message would lead me to the man of my dreams and prayers. The man that each and every day loves me more than I deserve and tells me everyday how Beautiful I am. He truly is the most Amazing man & I am so Blessed to call him my husband.

I love you Bill and am so proud to be married to you. Here's to many, many more years of wedded bliss/fun.

Mothers Day

This past weekend was Mothers Day.  It started off with breakfast in bed, nice start for sure. But just as quickly as it appeared Bill was running out the door to work leaving me on my  Mothers Day with the kids.

I managed to get us to church 15minutes just a tad late but none the less to church.

Then because it was my Mothers Day I had already decided the kids and I were going to do something but going home to sit for the day wasn't an option. So we headed to lunch at my favorite breakfast place, Patty's Eggnest. The wait was forever and trying to wrangle 3 hungry kids by myself was joyous. I will not lie I found myself wondering "what were you thinking?"  But eventually the waitress either took pity on me or wanted the crazy children to stop playing peek-a-boo in the windows and seated us. (Need to remember to show her Norwex cleaning cloths for the windows next time)


After a spilled water, spilled syrup & lunch was eaten we left the restaurant & headed for Mukilteo Beach with a a few other thousand or so moms there with their families!  It was crowded and I had to circle 2x before I spotted a man walking to his car. I did NOT proceed to wait for 6minutes on him with my blinker on, holding up traffic & I did NOT yell speak very loudly at Ellia "Have patience, he is going to leave and we are waiting until he does" when she said "Mom, he's not leaving can we just drive around again?" I would never yell on my Mothers Day.

We finally got our spot and headed to the beach. It was a lovely afternoon of playing in the sand, throwing rocks in the water, climbing on the playground & then a trip down to Ivar's for ice cream cones. Afterwards we headed home to relax on the couch with some snuggle time.

It may have been Mothers Day and it may have been more like a normal day for us. BUT it was MY day, we had a great time and we were together having fun. And as I sat there watching my 3 beautiful babies play in the water I realized how truly lucky I am.

I have 3 beautiful, healthy & loving children. Whom I prayed many years for. And I celebrated Mothers Day with them being a Mother. What better way to spend my day?

"Not this time around"

Saying "No" and "Not this time around" have never felt so good!

Seriously, I thought this setting down boundaries thing was going to be hard, that I was going to struggle and give in eventually. (and this could still happen)  However, this past week I have on two different occasions gotten to say "No" and "Not this time around" and I felt free, liberated and wait for it....... not guilty!

I realizing that my family & myself are what is the most important. For too long I have sacrificed these things and it has led to some unfortunate situations. But no more.

Yesterday, I did not accept the packet for MOPS leadership. I am not going to return to leadership next year. And maybe not even MOPS. That is undecided right now still but if I do I cannot do leadership. And after I said "Not this time around" I walked away with a little skip in my step. It was easier to say this than I thought. I did not feel all tied up in knots, guilty or sad.  Dare I say I felt Happy??

What made a huge difference was my friend overheard my decision and said something along the lines as "That is Awesome, I am so proud of you for making this decision & putting your family first" And coming from her this meant a lot.

I feel like I am in a good spot in life for the first time in who knows how long. I feel healthy. Can you feel healthy?  All I know is that emotionally, physically & spiritually I feel strong & healthy. I feel like I have a little pep in my step. I wake up looking forward to the day not dreading it's arrival.

Bring on the "No thanks", "Not this time around" and the "Sorry we cannot" things because I am feeling liberated & ready to face you.

Rabbit trails and boundaries

Today, is Tuesday and so it's counseling day in our house. My in-laws come over to wrangle watch the kiddos and I head out the door for a peaceful drive with latte in hand to see Terri.  Terri, is an amazing woman who I am learning so much from. She has been through a lot of things in her life & she brings her school knowledge/degree and life experiences into our sessions.  In 8 short weeks she has made me come to see & face some things in life that I have never seen before.

What amazes me the most is how she can ask me "how was your weekend?" and from this question we rabbit trail onto several things to talk. One question opens up many things that reveal who I am deep to the core. And from there the therapy begins.

Today while discussing my "weekend" we went onto the path of boundaries. What are boundaries, why do they exist and then came the statement

"You do not have boundaries in your life, I don't think you ever have and therefore you don't know how to create healthy ones"

Websters Definition  of Boundary  =  something that indicates bounds  or limits; a limiting or bounding line.  

I do not create boundaries with myself or anyone. This could be one of the many reasons I am overweight. (she did not say that I am) She went onto say that a boundary protects me and my value as a person. And when this boundary is crossed I get hurt or my family gets hurt - which happens far to often.

When you don't establish a boundary you can get taken advantage of, beat up, worn down & hurt. What I tend to do is say "Yes'" to everything and everyone in order to please them. See I am a natural people pleaser. I am most happy when everyone around me is happy. And in order to make everyone happy I have to somehow help. I help so that I don't look bad, feel bad or feel guilty. All of which are wrong.
So I help by taking on other's issue/problem, setting a place at my table for it & serving it dinner. Which then it tends to stay for awhile because I am such a good host and thus my family begins to suffer. But I don't know how to then say "NO" and kick the issue/problem/person to the curb and I then begin to get frustrated and this vicious cycle starts. Me frustrated/angry, my husband frustrated, kids spiraling out of control & our life turns into a whirlwind. Once everything is back to normal I invite the next issue/problem/person or a big one for me, Activity (I tend to overbook) into our lives and the cycle repeats.


My homework, what homework in therapy?  for the week is to start establishing boundaries, start saying "No" and not feeling guilty when I do.  Can I do this?  My husband says yes and he will help me. 


How are the boundaries in your life?  Do you have any? If you don't why not start establishing them this week alongside me.  

Therapeutic, really?

I recently began going to counseling and it's something I have never done before. After many years of trying to be perfect, shove all my emotions down & an underlying rage I finally took the BIG step in this direction - the counselors office. I have a very supportive husband who I am sure was grateful to have a wife finally admit she had some real issues that she needed to deal with. Would you be surprised that I am finding each session to be - hold on to it -  Therapeutic - Who knew?? (insert a chuckle)

At first I was so nervous  and had so many questions:
-would she be nice? - for sure
-would she go all Psycho babble on me? - not really
-would she ask me all about Team D? - yep
-would she ask me about my whole family? - yep
-would I cry? - yep sure did
-would I get angry? - not yet, but with me there's no telling
-would I keep going? - at first the only reason I did go was b/c the Coach drove me but now each week it's kinda of nice.

Tuesday is coming & I am looking forward to it,

The Hurt & the Healer

The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from the explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all the scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide [x2]

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here.

words by Mercy Me

Who Knew?

On New Years Eve 2011 Bill and I sat and made goals for 2012 for ourselves, our marriage & our family. Who knew that God was truly listening & then laughed at us. 

I decided that night that I needed to make myself a priority. And I nievlely thought it meant health wise & joined Weight Watchers the next week. I also began getting up at the butt crack of dawn to spend time with the Lord. Having a quiet time had been put to the bottom of my list of responsibilities. But little did I know that night that God was laughing at me, "ohh, my precious child do I have plans for you" - Yep, that's what God must have been saying that night.

Our first goal for our marriage was to start the Real Marriage series by Mark & Grace Driscoll - the pastors of our church Mars Hill. We started the series, joined a community group to dive deeper into the book study & began the process of also really getting to know other couples at church. This series has been Awesome! It has stretched me more in the last 2months than ever before. I have had to come to some hard realizations about myself, about my marriage and our children. I also can say that today, I feel closer to my husband than I have EVER felt!  This series although hard has been just what the Lord wanted for us. 

In the last few weeks we have had to come face to face with some things in our home, marriage & personal life that we never thought we would have to. It is still very fresh & raw for me even as I type. But I know that to be refined by the Refiners fire means some pain & hurt.  But on the other side of this refining lays a life of beauty & grace free of shame & hurt and I cannot wait to get there!

As I sit here at the computer so many things swirl in my head. Really? Really I haven't blogged since last Oct?  Where have I been? What have I been up too?

Being a wife & mommy that's what. Life has been crazy but good.

During that time throw in sickness, a surgery, holidays, snow days, Norwex shows & lets not forget Weight Watchers. And all those things are great but all of those things have kept me from here. I check in and read blogs from time to time but even that has fallen behind. Oh, and lets not forget that during that time Blogger changed how they do things & so when I did decide to finally sit down and blog I couldnt figure out how to do it. I am still on the old version & will have to have my hubby help me this weekend. And I know I've said it before but I am Back!  I need this blog, I need this creative outlet & I need to feel like my voice is being heard out there.  So seriously I am back.