Rabbit trails and boundaries

Today, is Tuesday and so it's counseling day in our house. My in-laws come over to wrangle watch the kiddos and I head out the door for a peaceful drive with latte in hand to see Terri.  Terri, is an amazing woman who I am learning so much from. She has been through a lot of things in her life & she brings her school knowledge/degree and life experiences into our sessions.  In 8 short weeks she has made me come to see & face some things in life that I have never seen before.

What amazes me the most is how she can ask me "how was your weekend?" and from this question we rabbit trail onto several things to talk. One question opens up many things that reveal who I am deep to the core. And from there the therapy begins.

Today while discussing my "weekend" we went onto the path of boundaries. What are boundaries, why do they exist and then came the statement

"You do not have boundaries in your life, I don't think you ever have and therefore you don't know how to create healthy ones"

Websters Definition  of Boundary  =  something that indicates bounds  or limits; a limiting or bounding line.  

I do not create boundaries with myself or anyone. This could be one of the many reasons I am overweight. (she did not say that I am) She went onto say that a boundary protects me and my value as a person. And when this boundary is crossed I get hurt or my family gets hurt - which happens far to often.

When you don't establish a boundary you can get taken advantage of, beat up, worn down & hurt. What I tend to do is say "Yes'" to everything and everyone in order to please them. See I am a natural people pleaser. I am most happy when everyone around me is happy. And in order to make everyone happy I have to somehow help. I help so that I don't look bad, feel bad or feel guilty. All of which are wrong.
So I help by taking on other's issue/problem, setting a place at my table for it & serving it dinner. Which then it tends to stay for awhile because I am such a good host and thus my family begins to suffer. But I don't know how to then say "NO" and kick the issue/problem/person to the curb and I then begin to get frustrated and this vicious cycle starts. Me frustrated/angry, my husband frustrated, kids spiraling out of control & our life turns into a whirlwind. Once everything is back to normal I invite the next issue/problem/person or a big one for me, Activity (I tend to overbook) into our lives and the cycle repeats.


My homework, what homework in therapy?  for the week is to start establishing boundaries, start saying "No" and not feeling guilty when I do.  Can I do this?  My husband says yes and he will help me. 


How are the boundaries in your life?  Do you have any? If you don't why not start establishing them this week alongside me.