Galations 5:22-24

This is just going to be a rambling post I am sure. But I just need to pour out my heart somewhere. I tried with a friend & my hubby yesterday but I am still needing something.

On Saturday I felt like I was the worst mother. Ellia is having some issues with fits, whining, and down right defiance. And I am at my wits end with it. And sadly I haven't been the best mom during these fits. I am very quick to get frustrated & yes, sometimes yell at her. Which of course, shocking, makes them worse! I also, really was feeling like I am easier on Addie & harder on Ellia. I have more grace with Addie than Ellia and sometimes over the exact same thing.

As I finished reading the book Last Song by Nicholas Sparks (great book!) there was a scripture that one of the characters mediated on. I immediately knew it was the scripture on the Fruits of the Spirit. So, that afternoon I picked up my Bible, sadly the first time in awhile, turned to that scripture and began reading it. I began to pray & to cry. Because I haven't been displaying those fruits to others, especially my daughter.

Lets back up & break apart the scripture:

In verse 19 it stated

"Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are:

adultery, fornication,uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry,

sorcery, hatred, contentions,

jealousness, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions,

dissensions, heresies, envy, murders,

drunkenness, revelries and the like:

of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in the past

that those who practice such things will not inherit the

kingdom of God"

Yikes, the ones that stood out to me the most were Outbursts of Wrath and dissensions. I decided right there & then to really try to re-memorize the verses 22-23 again.

vs 22-24 says:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is

Love, Joy, Peace, Long suffering, Kindness,

Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control.

Against such there is no law. And those who are

Christ's have crucified the flesh with it's passions and desires"

And in order to combat those areas of weakness I see in myself I must begin trying to display more Kindness, Long suffering (Patience), Gentleness and Self-control. And once again crucify the flesh that has reared its ugly head.

So as soon as I decided to really start putting this verse into practice, meditating on it & trying to change my ways I was confronted with an issue with a friend. The very next day!!! And of course I didn't recognize it as a Test. Today I am seeing it more clearly as a Test & am just trying to figure out how to proceed.

Test or no Test I am still hurt by the situation. I still feel like my friend has to admit to her share of the problem, should try to talk to me and mend things. And my I feel like my other friend & my hubby are taking her side. They both told me to give her grace, and I want too. But I feel like they are making excuses for her and trying to poo-poo it away. What happened to being an adult & accepting our responsibilities in things?

I am really, really trying to find the Grace, Kindness & Gentleness that I know the Lord wants me to show her. But it's HARD!!!